Purging

I’ve been slipping through the years
My old clothes don’t fit like they once did
So they hang like ghosts of the people I’ve been

-You Can Do Better Than Me, Death Cab for Cutie

The day I had to put Abby down, I thought about taking off work but figured after so much crying and reflection, it would be better to stay busy. I worked all afternoon and happened to have plans to hang out with Ern that evening. She lives about an hour-and-a-half south of me, so we sometimes meet at a Panera that’s halfway between us to chat and work on whatever crafts are currently occupying our attention. That night as I sipped on iced coffee and knitted, in the back of my mind I’d preemptively begun worrying about going home to an empty, Abby-less apartment. In fact by the time I actually got home, I’d worked myself up into quite a tizzy, thinking I would have a meltdown and cry for 100 hours and not be able to sleep and howl pitifully at the moon. When I finally walked through the front door, I felt a twinge in my gut but was determined not to obsess. Without a plan, I wandered into my bedroom closet, which was a HELLACIOUS mess, and dove into the disarray head first. That poor closet had been neglected for far too long and was full of stuff that needed to be sorted and donated. I ended up spending hours in there and the fruit of my labor was several garbage bags full of clothes and purses. As I’d been losing weight, I’d given some clothes away but was afraid to deliberately go through my entire closet and purge, thinking it akin to asking the God of Cellulite to smite me with hundreds of wobbly pounds. That night though, I managed to overcome my ridiculousness and let myself live in the present moment. It’s finally time to let go of all of this, I thought. Before I stumbled into bed, I hauled all the bags to my living room, planning to make a Goodwill run as soon as possible. But as it often does, life got in the way and my piles sat neglected for a few weeks until tonight when after a bit of straightening, I decided I had to get that stuff out of my apartment. I felt sort of melancholy loading the bags into my car, not because I’ll miss my clothes but because I got the courage to pass them on the day I lost Abby. That really good thing happened on a really sad day. Funny how life works, isn’t it?

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One Response to “Purging”

  1. Pickles and Dimes Says:

    I’m so, so sorry about Abby. This is making my cry because my cat, Abby, is having serious health issues and it’s breaking me up to think that her end is near.

    Hugs to you.

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