Reflections

I’m just settling down for the evening, watching Nova. It’s about John Rae from England, who tried to make it through and prove the existence of the northwest arctic passage (terra incognito). The ice trapped all of his team’s boats. On top of that, the men ran out of food and got scurvy and lead poisoning. There is even evidence of cannibalism. EEEKS! Think about that the next time you heat up a Lean Cuisine.

Abby is snoozing at my feet, having woofed importantly as several people coming home. I love my baby bear. She’s the best guardian pup in the world, and she’s soft and sweet and patient and lovely.

After work, despite my desire to hold down the couch, I cleaned the kitchen. It was quite a mess. I hadn’t cleaned it well since my Mom left. It looks lots better now, but accomplishing that small task somehow served only to magnify how many other things I need to deal with. You can look at my apartment and tell I’ve been on the go for awhile. Normally I like to be organized, but if you look around, you’ll find stacks of bills, photos, books, and many other messes to contend with. I worked a lot last year in order to make ends meet, and I was dating Russ, neither of which left a lot of time for household maintenance.

“Why did you have to work so much last year,” you ask. A number of situations came into play. If you go way back, Chris and I breaking up created some financial problems. All my financial plans were based upon the notion that I would be in a 2-income household. I made ends meet, but things were pretty tight. Then, in order to graduate, I put my last semester’s tuition on a credit card. After I graduated and moved to Indy, I lost my job at the magazine. In order to scrape by, I had to use my credit card quite a bit. By the time I started a new job, my finances were stretched thin. I’m very anxious to get all this business sorted out. Part of that involves consolidating my student loans.

Overall, it’s strange to me how quickly the years have gone by. In some ways, I don’t feel like I’ve been really living. It seems like since Chris and I broke up, I’ve just been accomplishing the bare minimum to get by. Of course, that’s an exaggeration, but it does speak to the fact that divorce is a HUGE deal. I really did NOT expect it, or understand the profound effects it would have on every part of my life. Here it is, 4 1/2 years later, and I feel like I’m just now gaining my footing.

I hope and pray 2006 marks the beginning of a more even-keel, well-managed life, at least when it comes to things I can control. I’ve made a great big list of all the things I want to accomplish, at which I plan to whittle away in the next few months.

Now I’m spent, and haven’t even written about my day! I may get a second wind later, or I’ll get to bloggin’ tomorrow.

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