Do You Buy a Titsling or Do You Buy A Brassiere?

Remember that song about bras that Bette Midler’s character sings in the movie Beaches? It’s called Otto Titsling. In the song, Otto invents the bra but a frenchmen, Phillip DeBrassiere, steals his idea. The lyrics are so witty and imaginative. (He had invented the world’s first over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder!) I was thinking about that song last week when I was shopping for bras. That’s right. This is going to be an entry about bra shopping. Deal with it!

I’ve always had some pretty “occasion” bras, but they’re not very practical. A few years ago, I discovered a bra I really liked in a catalog. I’ve ordered it many times over the years. This simplifies my life because it’s a pain in the arse to try on bras in a store. It’s also frustrating as hell to get them on and off those ridiculous hangers. What is the deal with those? Whoever invented them is dead to me. DEAD! And don’t forget that the extent to which sizes vary between different bra brands, NAY, different types of bras of the same brand, is RIDICULOUS.

Despite all this, I stumbled upon a lingerie sale last week, and the deals were really great, so I had to try and find one. (Also, I’ve lost a bra recently. It’s peach. Have you seen it?) I must have tried on 30 bras. For rizzle! They were all OK, but I wanted a really good one. I finally found it. It’s light blue and lacy and sexy and supports me in all the right ways. You can actually tell a difference when I’m wearing this one. Totally breastastic! Despite being comfortable, maybe the bras I’ve been ordering all these years aren’t that great.

To drive home my point, I offer this article, which explains that most women are wearing ill-fitting bras. And why are they doing that? Because finding a bra is a difficult process, exacerbated by varying types of fabric, wires, cups, bows, lace, straps, and impossible hook thingies. Such is the nature of womanhood; one must suffer to lift and separate.

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3 Responses to “Do You Buy a Titsling or Do You Buy A Brassiere?”

  1. danae Says:

    A great post! I’m glad to hear that you’ve found your ideal bra 🙂

  2. who? Says:

    The result of this swindle is pointedly clear.

  3. Jonah Says:

    Like what you did. Wishing you a very happy and prosperous new year !

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