TILT Me Baby One More Time

It’s Thursday and you know what that means; it’s time for a TILT! Without further ado, here are the things I love this Thursday:

Crazy Searches

You probably know by now that my writing is often peppered with silly expressions, idioms, and euphemisms, indelibly marking my locution. So vast and varied are these terms and the topics of my blog, Web surfers using inexplicable search terms are often pointed here. For example, in one entry I discussed a yummy snack I’d made of tomatoes, fat-free cottage cheese, and kalamata olives. I took a picture of the delicious fare and dubbed it ‘greek porn,’ which has since results in MANY hits from those searching for mediterranean erotica. Later still, I discussed a family joke, ‘the cricket face.’ This combined with the profusion of other unique terms in my entries resulted in visits from users searching for ‘cricket porn’ and ‘overcoming a fear of crickets.’

Checking the logs to see what people are searching for is always fun, but last night, I found the holy grail. I estimate that this gem can never be topped:

Oh boy

No, your eyes do not deceive you. It indeed indicates that someone searched for ‘how do i get gum out of my vagina’ and ended up at my blog. *beam*

Crack

I’m not ashamed to admit it. Well maybe I’m a little ashamed, but hiding behind this blog, I feel indignant and certain! I (heart) QVC’s Creating Keepsakes presentations. It’s my crack. It’s like the rumbled Playboy a prepubescent boy discovers under the couch, or the coveted treasure chest a pirate finally lays eyes on, or the vintage Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress Carrie Bradshaw stumbles upon in a second-hand boutique, or a sneaky french fry that somehow lands on a recent South Beach Diet convert’s plate. You get the gist. LOVE IT!

Yup, that’s right. I’m a craft nerd, especially enamored of the paperish endeavors like scrapbooking and card making. The QVC program caters decadently to my wildest desires, demonstrating the latest products and fun techniques. It’s a whole show dedicated to talking about papers and stickers and die cuts and layouts and circle cutters and vellum and ribbon and eyelets and punches and and and…I’m in heaven, soaking it all in. *sigh*

I happened to catch that QVC program last night and I LOVED it. I am proud to say I didn’t order a damn thing. I already have SO MUCH STUFF, it can’t fit into any reasonably-sized space. I even have a laminator people! I decided a few weeks ago after assessing my loot, that I’m not allowed to buy anything new until I complete some projects that are halfway finished, left ignored when the latest Coluzze template caught my eye, and lured me into beginning another newer, cooler project.

P.S. Just because I’m not allowed to buy new stuff doesn’t mean you can’t buy me stuff, like this or this or this. And if you do, I’ll make out with you for three minutes OR knit you a sassy shrug from Abby fur.

Walks With My Bear

I’ve been trying to take Abbs for walks more often. It’s good for both of us and I find it centering. Because the weather has been so terribly hot and humid, I generally wait until later in the evening. Afterward, Abby is always grinning from ear to ear:

Hot Puppy

The Dollar Store

I’ve also been trying to drink the recommended 60+ ounces of water every day. Man, it is a FULL TIME job. And I’ve found that since I’ve been drinking bottled water, the taste of tap water totally repulses me. The problem is, water can be expensive. Fortunately, I can get one gallon bottles of Crystal Geyser water at the Dollar Store for a buck (DUH) each! What a steal! (I hope it’s not sold at the Dollar Store because it contains E. coli or some other cooty and regular stores won’t sell it.)

Silly Boots

How can you look at these and not laugh? Who is buying boots like this? Someone please explain!

“Camping”

Great Ern and I are going camping this weekend! Bear in mind that when I say “camping,” I mean “chillin’ in an air conditioned cabin” but it is in the woods and there will be bugs and dirt and a campfire. There won’t be any microwaves, blow dryers, cappuccino makers, or Swedish-made penis enlargers. Stay tuned for lots of fun pictures. 🙂

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