Yee Haw

It’s the front page of a local rag! It’s a pile of rubbish! It’s…<echoey voice>POP CULTURE ROUNDUP!!!</echoey voice>

  • Desperate to keep your beloved ‘nanas bruise free? Try the the Banana Guard!
  • Check out China’s weensy, newborn panda cub.
  • Jay-Z recently announced his world tour, a platform from which he hopes to raise awareness about the world’s water crisis. Good for him!
  • Some nutters in Marion, IN gifted a local Taco Bell with six trash bags full of taco sauce packets. Apparently, they’ve been collecting the packets for three years. See kids? If you dream big, you can accomplish anything!
  • A West Virginia woman came home to find her house had been cleaned by a still-unknown assailant. Please God, let my apartment be next.
  • Check out photos of your favorite celebs back in the day. I find George Clooney’s and Brad Pitt’s pics especially amusing.
  • Poached eggs are picture perfect using this fancy flower-shaped egg poacher. They look so much more appetizing in this form!
  • Behold: the video for David Hasselhof’s CHEESY cover of Jump In My Car. Make. It. Stop.
  • Vanity saves the day! An Israeli woman thwarted death when her breast implant trapped shrapnel from an explosion and kept it from tearing into her heart.
  • Much to the enjoyment of USA hecklers all over the world, a recent poll found that three quarters of Americans can identify two dwarves from the story of Snow White, while only one quarter can name two supreme court justices. Reach for the stars!
  • Prepare your ears for Paris’s debut album, temporarily available on AOL Music for your wrist-slitting listening pleasure. If I must pick a favorite, I’ll go with I Want You. And by “favorite” I mean “marginally bearable because her producer was clever enough to sample a Frankie Valli hit.”
  • Foiled by an over-simplified online tool, officials mistranslated an English road sign reading “cyclists dismount” into “bladder inflammation overturn” in Welsh.
  • Check out Beyonce’s second single from her forthcoming sophomore effort. Ring the Alarm is angry, raw, and intense, hinting that rumors longtime boyfriend Jay-Z cheated may be true.
  • Tim Burton and Johnny Depp once again join forces, this time for the film adaptation of Sweeney Todd. Johnny will make the perfect demon barber of Fleet Street.
  • Much love for the latest mashups featuring Gnarls Barkley and Big Poppa.
  • Want a sassy-but-temporary ankle tattoo that won’t easily rub off? Snatch up a pair of Silkies Rose Tattoo Pantyhose. They put the “ass” in “classy.”
  • Revel in this amazing story of fraternal Chinese twins who were separated at birth, each adopted to different American parents, and through a twist of fate, reunited. Most incredible of all is that without knowing of the other’s existence, both sets of parents named their little girls Mia.
  • Nebraska Boy Scouts heroically rescued a drowning toddler they encountered floating in a river face down. Apparently, the water swept her away from her mother upstream.
  • Snarky pranksters released two rattlesnakes in a theatre showing the recent oddball hit, Snakes on a Plane. Because the movie is about snakes see, so they released snakes. Get it? Hahahahahaaha! *snore*
  • In a shocking twist, CBS divided teams by race for the upcoming season of Survivor. I guess ethnicity is the obvious candidate when you’ve already separated contestants by sex and age.
  • After nearly a decade, The Lemonheads are recording new material. Listen to No Backbone [MP3] from their upcoming album. It’s good to hear Evan Dando‘s distinctive warble again.

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