I’ve been slackin’ on the bloggin’ the last few days but fear not – I plan to make it up to you with posts o’ plenty complete with pics and even photocopies of forged permission slips. Last Friday, I hit up good ol’ Milano Inn with my former coworkers including Ms. Bad (AZ if yer nasty), who sadly is moving to Chicago. Since I know you’re really wondering how her move will affect me, I’ll ease your mind by noting that we can all be happy because it simply means I have one more place to stay when I visit the city by the lake (as Mr. Corgan liked to call it.)

Let the record show that it was not I but the boys who are obsessed with eating at the Milano Inn due to its overflowing, stomach-stretchin’ buffet. Despite the sweet, sweet beck of sinfully-simple carbs drenched in cream-based sauces, I managed to keep my lunch under 2500 calories – a record!

Unfortunately Friday morning Mr. Keester was all “Oh, I’m Mr. Keester! I tore a hole in my panties last night so I can’t go to lunch!” Still sounds dodgy to me, but I know he can be rough on even the most sturdy canvas britches. Despite missing an important member of our dysfunctional family, we managed to dredge up lots of fun memories from days of old, including:

  • The construction and untimely demise of our super-clever, PVC-piped, inter-office communication system, better know as “the bong”
  • The beloved Guinea Pig Way
  • That one time when a coworker had a nervous breakdown induced by our vicious taunting, resulting in us being reprimanded and swiftly chained to our desks to think about what we’d done wrong
  • Four words: You sunk my battleship! (but NEVER during “work hours”)
  • Moose cow!
  • Pretty much the illest Hong Kong-born, New Zealand-based, Broadway-hit-coverin’ diva I know
  • It’s a bowel movement!
  • Instant-message brilliance, such as:
    • On sacrifice:
      • The Bumpster: Well, Mr. Keester and I are on the “Fish & chips (or at least something fishy) for Lent” kick again
      • Me: Cool. Did you give up something for Lent?
      • The Bumpster: My dignity.
    • On politics and health care:
      • AZBad: Read this headline [coworker] showed me.
      • AZBad: Absolutely hilarious. As he said, once was bad but twice?!!!
      • Me: Ah, the misplaced modifier. A journalist’s nemesis.
      • The Bumpster: Wouldn’t that be “Man shot by Cheney while leaving hospital”?
      • Me: Or “Man Leaving Hospital Shot by Cheney”
      • The Bumpster: Or “Man Shot by Cheney Eaten by Wolves While Leaving Hospital”
      • Me: or “Man Eating Young Goes #2 in Garbage Bag”
      • Mr. Keester: “Cheney Leaves Wolves in Hospital to Get Shots by Man”
    • Eavesdropping on someone whose office was near ours (he talked on the phone really loudly so we called him “Outside Voice”):
      • Me: Oh my!! Outside Voice just said, “There were 3 people and a ferret.” He must have had a party last weekend.
      • The Bumpster: That’s dirty.
      • Me: Poor Outside Voice. His only friend is a nasty ferret.
      • The Bumpster: We shall now refer to him as the POV.
      • Me: Haha.
      • Me: He’s also talking about someone named Mr. Wingin’.
      • Me: He had a party with 3 people, a ferret, and Mr. Wingin’.
      • The Bumpster: Actually I think Mr. Wingin is his pet name from his ferret.
      • Me: Oh my!
      • Me: Mr. Wingin is stuck in his booty.
      • Me: He said he got service!!!!
      • Me: on ferret and wingin’.
      • Me: He’s a dirty porn call maker.
      • The Bumpster: When it comes to partyin’, POV parties with Mr. Wingin.
      • Me: “Oh I’m POV. I got service from Mr. Wingin’. I like to talk to the dirty ferret.”
    • On a balanced diet:
      • Me: Keester, you’ll like these.
      • The Bumpster: Fancy steaks.
      • Mr. Keester: Have you had those before?
      • Mr. Keester: They are yummers.
      • Me: They’re what [Keester] and [his wife] are feeding [their spawn]. 
      • Mr. Keester: Indirectly.
      • Mr. Keester: You put the bacon on the filet, because it is so lean. So you are basically adding fat to a lean peice of meat.
      • Mr. Keester: Cool huh?
      • Me: Umm hmmm.
      • Me: We love anything that adds fat.
      • Mr. Keester: I like steak, I like bacon … why not put them together?
      • Mr. Keester: We should do that with more things.
      • Me: Buns & cupcakes!
      • Mr. Keester: Cheese & cotton candy
      • Me: Canoing and napping

Well maybe you had to be there but all told we had a great time and bid a teary farewell to one of our favorite musketeers. Peace out, yo!

Bye AZBad!

P.S. Hammy Toe’s almost perfected his jazz hands!


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