Instead of Doing My Taxes

I’m hangin’ at Panera to use their wireless and finish my taxes but thought I’d take a minute to share the weekend wrap-up while I slurp my hazelnut and munch on my bagel*. 

I had a great weekend! Lean came over Saturday night for a little slumber party action. Naturally the fun didn’t begin until we’d both woken from our respective leisurely afternoon naps. We ended up lazily watching TV, including a very saucy documentary about sex addicts. It was informative, if not a tad shocking. One of the people interviewed was not the type you’d normally immediately select from a Pick-the-Sex-Addict line up. She was very unassuming and dressed conservatively. She even wore a rather large cross around her neck. If you watched carefully though, you could see the number of the beast in her eyes. I was totally onto her.

After a few rounds of Rolaids, we hit the hay. Lean said I chattered in my sleep, which if I haven’t mentioned, is not uncommon. The last time she stayed over, I apparently let out a great guffaw in the middle of the night. (I wonder why my neighbors throw eggs at my car?)

The next morning, we watched one of my all-time-fave girly movies: Shag! It’s set in 1963 and features four belles and their Myrtle Beach spring break adventure. The characters are SO colorful. I especially cooed over Chip, who also played Nickie in Satisfaction, another favorite movie of mine.

Following are some stellar phrases from the movie Lean and I decided to incorporate into our already well-rounded vocab:

  • “Y’all is the horniest bunch of white folks I ever seen!”
  • “That’s the cat’s pajamas!”
  • “None of your bees wax!”
  • “Gah-row-oose!” (It’s especially important to break this normally-monosylabic word into three distinct pieces)

In true Shag fashion, we also decided to start calling social events we don’t approve of “flesh parades.” Conservative 60s talk is fun!

After the movie, we hit Half Price Books for a browse. I thumbed through lots of vegetarian cookbooks but didn’t find anything I wanted to buy. We happened to drop by on a day when all the clearance books were half off so I got two hardback Mark Twains (Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer) for $1.50 each and The Lilac Bus by Maeve Binchy (who wrote Circle of Friends, which I loved) for only fitty cent!

For the rest of the day I hung out with Abbs and tried this chicken with black beans crockpot recipe. I didn’t have any salsa, so instead I used a bit of chicken broth and a can of diced maters with onions and jalapenos. I also used fat-free cream cheese to keep the recipe healthy. The results were DELISH, but next time I’ll skip the corn.

In closing, remember that when you’re at Panera, it’s inappropriate to scratch a lacy-bra related itch OR lick the little container your peanut butter comes in.

*Update your records – Panera has a new bagel called Choc-o-nut. I don’t want to hate because I Panera but I tried the newbie and I’m not crazy about it. I think I’m a bagel minimalist, instead preferring old standbys like blueberry and whole grain. In truth, my opinion of the new fare is probably biased. The bagel is covered in powdered sugar and I don’t like to get my hands dirty, so the poor guy lost points right out of the gate. It also doesn’t taste chocolatey to me at all, which would certainly be fine but not for a bagel whose name begins with “choc.”

It’s suddenly apparent to me that this is quickly becoming an inner monologue dump post, so I’ll end your misery and close…wait for it…NOW!

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