Last Friday, Mr. Keester and I had a deep discussion about the iPhone…and a possible new competitor. Be amazed:

  • Mr. Keester: Are you going to rush out and get an iPhone?
  • Mr. Keester: My phone already has more crap on it than I can ever use. I don’t need one that advanced.
  • Me: Agreed. In fact, I still have the mobile phone I got when I first moved to Indy in 2003. It doesn’t have any features or color or anything but it works just fine.
  • Me: I heard on NPR that they’re estimating more women than men will be buying the iPhone.
  • Me: Ladies want a floofy interface. Men want one that shoots out scalding hot oil.
  • Me: iPhone vs the oilPhone
  • Mr. Keester: If the scalding oil is shot out with enough force and in a tight enough stream you would be able to cut and cook meat with it at the same time. Or you could amputate appendages while cauterizing the wound simultaneously. Neat!
  • Me: WOW! That is advanced functionality!
  • Me: Doctors and chefs would definitely want oilPhones.
  • Me: It would also be fun to squirt oil behind your car as you’re driving and then set it on fire, in case you’re a secret agent on the run or something.
  • Me: Nothing deters criminals like a stream of burning oil.
  • Mr. Keester: You could also use it to cook individual french fries.
  • Me: That would be great for picnics.
  • Mr. Keester: “The oilPhone helped me prepare this gourmet picnic, and enabled me to kill a bear that was trying to get my food…THANKS OILPHONE!”
  • Me: I’m thinking the oilPhone sales will blow the iPhone out of the water.
  • Me: Or out of the frying pan, as it were, waka waka!!
  • Mr. Keester: If not, the oilPhone people will wage war with Apple and shoot them all in the eye with scalding oil (using the sniper scope attachments.) Then they will say something clever like “How is your eye now iPhone? What, you don’t have an eye any longer? Well then I guess that means you are just a Phone! Muwahahahahahaah!”

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