Fitty, You Hot!

I can’t seem to accomplish a damn thing this week. I’m spinnin’ my wheels on even simple tasks. Naively at the start of the week, I’d imagined an über productive wind sweeping through my life, magically sorting out problems and neatly organizing everything into tidy stacks. There may have been bluebirds too, each holding an end of a lovely ribbon, which they’d fashion into a bow on the package of my life. That’s realistic, right?

Yesterday afternoon Pappy found a FIFTY (50) dollar bill in a parking lot! Truly there was no place to turn it in and we loitered for a bit to give the loser a chance to claim the loot. Eventually we took the money and ran and to assuage our guilt decided The Universe had benevolently chosen to smile upon our weary faces.

The most money I’ve ever found at once was around $30 at a random gas station parking lot. One other time Great Ern and I went to a cash machine and money was blowing all over the place, fueled by a strange, blustering wind. It was like a gluttonous philistine fantasy! As I ran around in a delirious frenzy, scooping up dough and wondering whether I’d go to Japan or New Zealand first, I realized:

  1. Security cameras were recording my every move and
  2. I’d never enjoy a penny of the money because I’d feel so guilty.

After collecting all the bills (and maybe sniffing them), I begrudgingly returned them to the bank. The teller was all, “How honest of you!” and I was all “I guess my only reward will be a sucker, huh?” Damn conscience!

So what should we do with the found money? Donate to any of a million deserving charities? Jokingly allocate toward my insurmountable student loan debt? Burn in effigy to our crumbling economy? Save? Splurge?

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3 Responses to “Fitty, You Hot!”

  1. Kriss Says:

    FITTY BUCKS?!?! God was smiling on your butt today, for sure! I vote for splurge, of course.

    On something completely special and unexpected, like an afternoon at the movies and a big bag of cookies for Abby.

  2. KNH Says:

    I suggest you give it to the government. Because governments always need money…even though they have a MONEY PRINTING machine. If only I had me one of those!

    Or, perhaps, to some failing mortgage lending company? Aww, don’t you feel so sorry for them after they were so generously giving away houses and loan-sharking?

    But seriously…

    Found money is best spent on something permanent but happy. So, not for something you need, but for something you want. Fabric for your next project? And by “permanent” I mean a nice dinner counts. As long as the memory is permanent, the money will have been put to good use.

    And why is it that found money is so different than what’s in our pockets that we earned? Weird.

  3. SweetBasta Says:

    Found money should be donated to one of the million deserving charities. Stolen money, or money that you received by taking advantage of impoverished children should definatly be spent on something that you want, not something that you need. You worked hard to steal or con that money, so you deserve to treat yourself.

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