I Don’t Get It

I’m helping teach some classes today for local high school kids in a college-bound program. Once within a 30-mile radius of a computer connected to the Internet, the students are afflicted with the dreaded malady FaceSpace disease. FaceSpace victims are utterly consumed with monitoring their Facebook and MySpace accounts at every opportunity. Obsessed with friend requests and the proliferation of acronym-laced language, they shake and even foam at the mouth when unable to log into their accounts. Late-stage sufferers have lost the ability to interact normally with human beings. When approached by new acquaintances they only mutter “Add to friends?”

If you know someone cursed with this malady, try to lure them away from nearby computers. It may help to drop pop culture references into conversation, such as:

  • Seven jeans
  • Pinkberry
  • Any Fergie song
  • The Soldier Soulja Boy dance
  • Ice Cream Reeboks
  • Ray-Ban Wayfarers
  • Totino’s Pizza Rolls

For more information about FaceSpace disease, contact your local health care provider.


5 Responses to “I Don’t Get It”

  1. Kriss Says:

    My 15-year-old neice is suffering from this devastating disease. She can still carry on a conversation . . . but only when poked with a flaming hot caddle prod.

    P.S. WTF is a “Pinkberry”? Sounds obscene, no?

    P.P.S. It’s “Soulja Boy”. I’ve been corrected on more than one occassion for saying “Soldierrrrrrrrrrr Boy”. (insert eye roll here)

    P.P.S.S. I’m 35, and I still love Totino’s Pizza Rolls.

  2. Lydia Says:

    I was going to say, just make sure you call it “Soulja Boy,” not “Soldier,” and I notice the previous commenter pointed that out… wouldn’t want to kill your teen cred by being to *proper*! 🙂

  3. SweetBasta Says:

    Totino’s Pizza Rolls, Bagle Bites, Hot Pockets, Tony’s Frozen Pizza, Ramen Noodles, and of course Kraft Mac and Cheese Dinner.
    Ah sweet nectar of life!

  4. Bumpster Says:

    My niece can be cured with any hot beverage from the local Starbucks, but only after smashing her LG Chocolate to bits first. Can’t wait until MySpace goes mobile, then we’ve lost all hope.

  5. Amy Says:

    I guess I’m old now. I don’t know what four of those things are.

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