Mymsie’s Top 10 Tips for Travelers

  1. If you rent Strangers with Candy and Music & Lyrics, you should definitely forget to take them back to the video store before you leave town for a week.
  2. On the flight, ask to be seated beside two giggly young lovers spilling their sugar-free gingernog frappuspressolattes on one another and making out every time the plane’s cruising altitude increases by 10,000 feet. 
  3. Your dog will get explosive diarrhea when your friends are so thoughtfully caring for her in your absence.
  4. If you think your foot is broken before you leave town, wait and see how it hurts and swells up after a two-hour flight.
  5. If you have a black Samsonite suitcase on wheels, you don’t need to do anything to make it stand out among the myriad of other black Samsonite suitcases on wheels.
  6. If you’re confident nothing in your suitcase will leak or explode, get ready to discover what Aveda Brilliant Retexturizing Gel looks like after it’s been mixed with toothpaste and Q-tips.
  7. There are lizards in some states.
  8. If while swimming in a lush Floridian lagoon, you braggingly decide to snap a pic with your camera phone and post it to your Flickr account:
    1. You will nearly drop your phone into the water, causing it to sound a few peculiar beeps before it ceases functioning for 24 hours.
    2. The picture will be too dark for anyone to make out what it is.
  9. You’ll need that dressy outfit you decided not to bring, along with your snow boots, Trapper Keeper, and neti pot.
  10. Bring extra cash to cover the cost of replacing the antebellum treasures you clumsily break (and maybe use for bean dip) at your host’s house.
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3 Responses to “Mymsie’s Top 10 Tips for Travelers”

  1. Kriss Says:

    I saw the words “swimming” and “Floridian lagoon”, and had to walk away from the computer to cure my insane rush of jealousy.

    Hope you’re having a fabulous trip, and Abbs is good as new when you return.

    (I laughed out loud at #5, because I bought hot pink luggage tags expressly for this purpose. Guess how many other girls had the same hot pink tags on our last trip?)

  2. Amelia Says:

    Oh, hon, what a crappy end to your crappy year. Maybe 2007 just HAD to go out with a bang? :p

  3. SweetBasta Says:

    If you left home without the trapper keeper you were just asking for trouble.

    You were hot-doggin, you knew the risks!

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