Probably a Little Biased

I had my yearly performance review today. A friend jokingly told me she writes her own reviews every year so she always does well. I decided I’d write mine too and re-submit it to my boss:

Mymsie’s 2007 Performance Review

In 2007 I kicked ass. No one kicked ass as hard as me. I deserve a raise and the following:

    • Wet bar built onto desk
    • Scantily clad masseuse at my beck and call
    • Unlimited FAO Schwartz expense account and private access to giant piano mat
    • Spinning heart-shaped waterbed in office (dressed in rubber sheets)
    • 365 vacation days WITH PAY
    • Bubble wrap I can pop when I get stressed about how under-appreciated I am
    • Endless supply of spinach-artichoke canapés
    • Bubble machine
    • Exercise pool stocked with rubber duckies and noodles in every color
    • Personal driver (hybrid car ONLY)
    • Waiter named Cupcake
    • Office door alarm that shoots intruders with silly string
    • Vacation home
    • Panic room with cotton-candy machine and duck pin bowling alley
    • Accommodations for Abby and some buns I will adopt
    • World peace

      2 Responses to “Probably a Little Biased”

      1. SweetBasta Says:

        Post the real one you receive so we can compare and contrast. They will proly be exactly the same.

      2. Amy Says:

        Haha! So can you hire Cupcake as your masseuse?

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