B’s coming into town next week. Bzzzz!
Me: Good afternoo-oooOOOOOoooooon!
B: what the f*ck do you want?
Me: (writing that down so I can use it when I answer the phone from now on)
B: it build rapport and sincerity, instantly
B: I can’t wait until next Tuesday\
B: Hotel suite, room service, election returns
Me: w0000ts! I’m excited!
Me: I’m bringing my ’93 prom formal in case we decided to go out later
B: so, should I ring my tux and rollerskates?
Me: Or leg warmers and a boomerang
B: um, no sh*t
B: I always pack those
B: I keep them in my kaboodle
Me: If you can’t reach an itch, use your scissors, but don’t circumcise yourself!
B: I don’t scratch
B: I am a Scientologist
Me: Allāhu Akbar!