B’s coming into town next week. Bzzzz!

Me: Good afternoo-oooOOOOOoooooon!

B: Heya

B: what the f*ck do you want?

Me: (writing that down so I can use it when I answer the phone from now on)

B: it build rapport and sincerity, instantly

B: girl

B: I can’t wait until next Tuesday\

B: Hotel suite, room service, election returns

Me: w0000ts! I’m excited!

Me: I’m bringing my ’93 prom formal in case we decided to go out later

B: so, should I ring my tux and rollerskates?

Me: Or leg warmers and a boomerang

B: um, no sh*t

B: I always pack those

B: I keep them in my kaboodle

Me: If you can’t reach an itch, use your scissors, but don’t circumcise yourself!

B: I don’t scratch

B: I am a Scientologist

Me: Allāhu Akbar!

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