Let’s Be Honest

There’s nothing more humiliating than making small talk with a polite dermatologist while she spreads your butt cheeks in an effort to locate suspicious-looking moles. And of course, were I to be infected with some skin disease, it would most certainly be an “of-the-butt” variety, as my lot in life seems to be perpetual mortification. Thankfully my largest organ is in great shape, so I can wait an entire year before subjecting myself to that misery again. In the meantime, I plan to come up with some conversation fodder for next year’s exam. The indignity of plainly discussing Indy’s new airport with a doctor hunkered over my bare arse simply won’t do. Any suggestions? Has Emily Post penned a volume on this?

I did have a small mole removed, although the doctor assured me it was nothing. The whole process took 30 seconds and I didn’t feel a thing. I said, “That was shockingly painless” and my dermatologist said, “I know! Imagine back in the Civil War.” And then I felt like a pussy because those poor bastards had limbs cut off with only a sip of whiskey to sooth them. That seems like the type of thing you should think about the next time you’re sent to your room missy!

Guess what I did the other night? Go on. GUESS! This game is never fun, huh? Ok, I’ll tell you. I ORGANIZED MY WRAPPING PAPER AND SUPPLIES. Tada!!!! This is my favorite time of year because there’s tons of wrapping to be done and I love it. My pals know I’m on call for all wrapping duties and I love a challenge, so if you’re wondering how to wrap say, a flail, just let me know and I’ll be happy to help.


3 Responses to “Let’s Be Honest”

  1. Amelia Says:

    I love wrapping paper. Love. *Drool.* The Current Catalog? Is some of my favorite reading material.

    That said, this year I’m going to try to wrap some presents in a reusable way. I bought play silks for two little girls, and for $3 each I bought two tie-dyed cotton bags to hold the play silks; I’ll just tie a tag onto each bag, and then the girls have a way to store the silks and I don’t have to use any paper.

    I also have two drawstring gift bags a friend used to wrap my presents last year, so I can reuse those. (She made them from fabric scraps.)

    I also have a seller of homemade gift bags in my favorites on Etsy. Don’t know if I’ll buy any, but I’d like to.

  2. PastaQueen Says:

    When in doubt, I use aluminum foil. It can wrap anything 🙂

  3. Kris Says:

    Giggling @ Amelia – I thought I was the only one who devoured the Current catalogs!

    I’m happy the mole was painless, too!

    Do you use those little tape dispensers that slide on your wrist, with the pre-cut pieces of tape? I love those.

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