Beware!

To my male readers: I’m about to blather about menses. I know, I know. I can imagine your withering glances but I am a woman after all and this being my blog, that makes it a Woman’s Blog. While I try to avoid topics that might alienate readers, there are times when a woman needs to share something so monumental, she has to ignore the estrogen-impaired of the bunch. So if talk of Aunt Flo gives you the heebie-jeebies, 1) Grow a pair and 2) Feel free to move along to other manly endeavors. As for the rest of us? Onward!

I have a friend – let’s call her Alice. Having just ended a relationship and approaching 35, she stopped taking the pill after years of faithful use. She then had an encounter with a gentlemen who’d had a vasectomy. Both partners have known each other for years and have disclosed their sexual histories so no contraception was necessary. Soon after, Alice expected her period but nothing appeared. Despite the certainty of a vasectomy and the knowledge that going off the pill might affect her cycle, she was a bit worried she might somehow, against the odds, be pregnant. She shared her concerns and we both did some Internet research about ways to bring on your period when you’re 99.9% sure you’re not pregnant. Be assured we didn’t expect a Google search to reveal the secrets to controlling Mother Nature but the natural remedies were interesting to note. Consistently ginger and parsley were suggested to encourage the crimson wave. And so with an open heart, I endeavored to concoct a meal of said ingredients. I sauteed pieces of chicken breast with olive oil until they were halfway done. Then I added chicken stock, coconut milk, and tons of freshly-grated ginger to create a hearty sauce. That simmered for a few minutes while I rinsed canned baby corn and water chestnuts. I stirred those into the sauce, along with fresh snow peas, covered my concoction, and let it bubble for a few more minutes. I served it over brown rice with heaps of fresh parsley and guess what? Alice’s period came THE VERY NEXT DAY.

While I’m evermore grateful for Western science, I also recognize its limitations, particularly in the arena of non-linear problems and their sometimes-inexplicable solutions. I’m always in favor of a holistic approach to healing, whether it be undergoing acupuncture in addition to taking an anti-depressant or even crossing your fingers and sprinkling some herbs into your dinner. What outside-of-the-box remedies have worked for you?

P.S. To add more Thai kick to this recipe, use cilantro instead of parsley. Mmmm!

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3 Responses to “Beware!”

  1. lydia Says:

    damn, where were you when i started trying to have a baby and waited 6 months for my period to start after 6 years of not having one while on the depo shot?! impressive. 🙂

  2. Marta Says:

    I have always been amazed by what doctors and scientists DON’T know, especially about the female reproductive cycle. I took human reproductive biology in college, and there were parts of the textbook that basically said “Then a miracle occurs” (to paraphrase the Far Side cartoon). Ever since then, I’ve known to take most everything my doctor says about my cycle with a huge grain of salt.

  3. unclevinny Says:

    I actually wish women chatted about their periods a bit more. Actually… if it came up at ALL it would be remarkable. Virtually all of my female friends are enlightened, 21st century types, but it just…doesn’t…come up, aside from jokes about PMS, which don’t count.

    Someday it’ll be more common, I reckon.

    Anyhoo, thanks for the story. Ginger ‘n’ parsley, eh? You learn something new very day. 🙂

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