My Shoe Smells Like Coffee

My morning was so rough, the people I told about it either offered their deepest sympathies or suggested I go back to bed. By the time I got to work, it was raining like crazy. I readied my umbrella, opened my car door, and set my latte on the roof of my car, planning to grab it before I ran inside. I do that every morning but didn’t account for the rain making the roof of my car slippery. Before I could get out of the car, my latte came tumbling down, spilling all over the inside of my car and into my shoe. I couldn’t clean up the mess without getting completely soaked, so I decided to deal with it once the rain subsided. I trudged inside, one shoe making an irritating and disgusting SQUISH noise and sat down at my desk. A few minutes later, I realized I’d crushed one of my earbuds under the wheel of my office chair. I’d destroyed the other one months earlier in a similar incident. Throwing my hands up, I wondered if I should just go ahead and tuck my skirt into my undies to preempt another inevitable disaster.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised I had a bad morning, especially given my PHENOMENALLY bad luck over the weekend which landed me in the Emergency Room. I believe I’ve mentioned what a restless sleeper I am. I’m sure you remember when I fell out of bed last year and ended up with a nasty gash on my forehead. This time I was having one of those awful falling dreams and tumbled out of bed, cracking my head on my dresser and completely flattening the door to my bedside table, which had the misfortune of being open at the time. At first I couldn’t wrap my mind around what had happened. I was dazed, shaking, and in terrible pain. By the time the waves of nausea hit me I realized I’d sat up in bed disturbed by the dream and thinking I was actually falling, over-corrected and flung myself onto the floor. I remembered the poster at my doctor’s office about the warning signs of a concussion and wondered if I should go to the hospital. I wasn’t bleeding but the pain was overwhelming. When I tried to call Lean using a TV remote rather than my phone, I figured I’d better get checked out.

We were in and out of the emergency room in an hour and thankfully, I was fine save a minor concussion, a major head ache, and some really strange bruises. The nurse who checked me in was so kind of fibbed coolly, “This type of thing happens all the time.”

Having my head x-rayed was decidedly more scary than acquiring the injury, as I laid on a platform which was raised and thrust into a magical, rotating ring. Inside the ring, there was a Scooby-Doo sticker no doubt intended to calm children, which made me feel at ease as well.

I spent the rest of the weekend napping fitfully and seriously considering skipping town and changing my name to avoid the shame of my many blunders. Please submit your suggestions for my new identity, keeping in mind that I shouldn’t do anything involving scalding hot liquids or breakables.

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7 Responses to “My Shoe Smells Like Coffee”

  1. Kriss Says:

    Well, the porn name generator came up with Tawny Spanxx for your new identity. I like it. Sounds like a girdle-wearing superhero.

    I’m glad you’re okay & managed to avoid falling on anything pointy. I bet you scared the bejesus out of Abbs.

  2. Kim McBirnie Says:

    My husband is a very restless sleeper, sweet Marjoram oil works wonders on his pillow – or you could try a small hops pillow under yours. (Although I don’t know why it is supposed to make you sleep as after growing up near a brewery, I think hops reek to high heaven!)
    Love the blog by the way,
    Kim xx

  3. westwardbound Says:

    Oh my gawd. Hope you have a better Wednesday!

    Two words: bed rails. They keep ’em in the children’s section at Target. Push the bed to the wall and buy yourself one for the other side. Unless you tend to hurl yourself OVER things while asleep. In that case, I think we can construct some kind of giant crib tent for ya.

  4. lydia Says:

    Girl, if you ever needed to do something awesome for your birthday, it’s this one. Holy hell! You need to get some of those bed rails.

    Glad you’re not more seriously injured! Also, I’ve had that coffee shoe thing. It blows.

  5. SweetBasta Says:

    Wake up and smell the Mymsie Shoe!

    Maybe you could just get some of those large velcro straps, and bind yourself into your bed every evening.

  6. PastaQueen Says:

    Ouch! Sorry to hear about your weekend. I have similar memories of the CT machine, only I had a crazy technician with a New York accent who told me he used to be a wireless technician. This did not reassure me.

  7. Amelia Says:

    Hubby calls me Queen Klutz of the World, but dang, I think you’ve got me beat. 😉

    My daughter seems to have inherited my tendancies, though–she GAVE HERSELF A HICKEY ON HER WRIST while trying to suck her hand for comfort. :p

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