Why I Don’t Vacuum More Often

Abby and I had a fight last night after what shall henceforth be known as The Unfortunate Tech Suck of 2011. In the ensuing kerfuffle, I opened my front door hoping to air out the 10 tons of dust I’d just released into my apartment. She took advantage of the opportunity and sneaked outside. That wasn’t a big deal but she would not come back in, no matter what I said or did. I had to say the Serenity Prayer 7 times and eventually bent my will entirely to her ever-changing moods, knowing that she would soon relent and priss inside, which she did, followed by eying her treats as though that behavior warranted positive reinforcement. I felt bad getting upset with her because in the last few weeks, she’s really slowed down and it’s becoming more real to me that I don’t have much time left with my sweet girl. She started having more trouble getting around, unable to jump onto a chair she liked to snooze in and favoring her front leg. She’d also lost a bit of weight and seemed completely put-off by her kibble. The decline happened so fast and I was a complete wreck at the thought of losing her. I took her to the vet and ended up bursting into tears because my mind was full of worst-case scenarios. The vet started her on arthritis medicine and it’s helped tremendously. She’s been frisky and seems like her usual self but I’m still acutely aware that our time is limited, so I hate to spend it yelling at her to get her “fluffy booty inside right this minute!”

The whole mess started when I decided I had to dust and vacuum, lest my apartment be quarantined. I should mention that I hate vacuuming. Of all the chores, it’s my least favorite. I should also mention that a few weeks ago, during one of my all-too-infrequent tidying sessions, I noticed my vacuum wasn’t sucking up anything. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong and then suddenly remembered that my vacuum had a bag. I have no idea how or why I forgot that but I wish you could’ve seen/lifted the overflowing bag. It was beyond stuffed and weighed at least 10 pounds. (Moxy & Lean will vouch for me, as I saved the bag for them to laugh and point at.) I hadn’t changed it in at least a year and I think it’d been longer. I’m only telling you this so you’ll pity my feeble mind and truly understand the pathetic nature of my housekeeping.

With that in mind, last night I found myself vacuuming and came to a pile of techno-ephemera in my living room. I carelessly commenced to sucking up the dust bunnies in and around the pile and soon noticed I was sucking up a flash drive. My heart sank because I thought it contained all my precious pictures from the last 6 years, which had been miraculously salvaged from my old shithead laptop by my sweet and patient friend George. I turned off the vacuum as quickly as I could, but could already hear the scratching of bits and pieces being flung into the bowels of my vacuum cleaner. I eventually salvaged a tiny, very-damaged chip and a piece of the casing to the flash drive…which summarily informed me that it was just a random spare I had lying around and not the valuable memory-holding grail I thought it was. By this time I had already texted George 100 times and ripped the bag out of the vacuum cleaner, spilling dust and Abby fluff all over my living room.

Now of course the question is: where the hell is the important flash drive? I searched my office today and apart from discovering that it too is dusty and disorganized, I didn’t find anything. I have an idea where it is, but that brings me to another story and I think you’ve suffered enough for one day. More soon!


2 Responses to “Why I Don’t Vacuum More Often”

  1. Kris Says:

    Oh, my heart breaks a little for you & Abby. I’m happy the arthritis meds are helping. We went through it with Zoey, and they helped tremendously for her last few months. But we knew when it was time to let her go; and in my heart, I believe that you’ll know when to let Abby go, too.

    LMFAO @ the vacuum cleaner bag! =)

  2. Amy Says:

    I think your flash drive is in the bushes w/the tootsie rolls.

    Take lots of pictures and video of Abby!

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