Caw!

Recently before I taught, I stopped to get a drink and beheld something quite odd: a man with a bird on his shoulder. Keep in mind this was in the Technology Building as opposed to, I dunno, the Zoology Annex on IU’s little-known Bahamas campus. I was taken aback but the man simply got a bev and went on his way. He was even wearing a preppy button-down Oxford cloth shirt that matched his bird’s feathers. So odd was this experience that after it was over, I thought I might’ve hallucinated from inhaling printer toner so I asked my students about the Birdman. Several confirmed having seen him as well and on more than one occasion. Having worked at IU and the State to ensure their Web sites were ADA compliant, to cover my bases I inquired as to whether it might be a guide bird, even though that seemed a bit…unprecedented. My question was met with giggles and odd stares. I guess I don’t really mind if someone brings a bird to campus as long as it isn’t disruptive but I can see this type of thing causing quite a stir. And you have to admit that even in the strange world of academia where people use the word “pedagogy” a lot, it’s on the limits of what’s generally acceptable.

I often think how much I would love to bring Abby with me to work. She’s very well-behaved and after casing the joint with some power sniffs, I’m sure she’d just settle down close to me and observe. I know there are lots of reasons why this sort of thing usually doesn’t happen but I’m positive it would make my demeanor and work experience more pleasant. What are your thoughts on critters in the workplace?

The Look

Parents, teachers, gather ’round! Let us join together and laugh mockingly at the well-honed looks of terror we dole out to keep our charges in check. Many of us first saw these frowns as children when we found ourselves elbow-deep in mischief. Our elders need only give a single, withering glance and we knew to shape up, lest we be sold to the next traveling circus that passed through town. I can clearly recall whispering with my friend Angie during the sermon in church one Sunday only to look up and catch such a glare delivered stealthily by my Mom from the choir loft.

I was reminded of the power of The Look when I was forced to use it this weekend. I taught a Photoshop Elements workshop on Saturday and one participant was particularly disruptive. I’ve learned from experience that when all else fails, swift delivery of The Look (held for several uncomfortable seconds) always takes care of the problem.

I thought I’d document my look for you:

Funny, that face feels more stern than it looks. I might be mistaken for a mathematician working on a particularly difficult word problem rather than a frustrated teacher at the end of her tether. Still it has the necessary effect because the indolent blabbermouth stopped her nonsense immediately.

And now I challenge you to capture your look and share it with the blogosphere. Come on, it’ll be fun!

WWJAD: What Would Jane Austen Do?

Despite its thorough exposition of social mores, I don’t recall the chapter in Pride & Prejudice when Elizabeth was upset with Mr. Darcy for “friending” his ex on Facebook. No, these are problems unique to the new millennium and the blurry protocols for dealing with them often leave us dangling helplessly over the precipice of impropriety. To wit, I give you my most recent frustration born of social media:

I work with an instructor, let’s called him Alfred, who was scheduled to assist a workshop on Wednesday. On Monday, our supervisor sent this e-mail:

Due to an unfortunate auto accident, Alfred will not be able to assist the Unix workshop Wednesday evening. Thankfully Alfred is OK, but is tied up with the aftermath of insurance paperwork and car replacement. Is anyone able/interested in assisting this workshop for Alfred?

I like Alfred and know the trauma of car accidents all too well so I volunteered. The next day, I logged into Facebook and noticed these updates on Alfred’s page:

Click to embiggen

I felt a teensy pang of annoyance that he had a car on Tuesday and wouldn’t assist on Wednesday but knew he couldn’t have predicted how long his car search would take and aside from the purchase, there’s always a lot of red tape and paperwork to deal with in these situations as well.

Unfortunately, my waning pang of annoyance turned into a fiery ball of rage when I logged into Facebook on Wednesday evening and saw this:

Click to embiggen

Poor Alfred was so traumatized by his accident he couldn’t assist but could swill beer and participate in some contest for mouth-breathers at a local bar! And here’s what: if you’re going to do something like that, don’t brag on Facebook, where I’m certain to read about it since we often comment on each other’s statuses!

So what should I do? In truth, I probably won’t say anything (except behind his back – haha) but trust me, the next time Alfred needs a hand, I will not offer mine!

P.S. This post is dedicated to Lean, who is completely besotted with Matthew Macfadyen.

Snooze City, Population: 1

I have been SO tired this week. Yesterday my self esteem went through the roof when I got busted nodding off at my desk. On the humiliation scale, that ranks pretty highly but thankfully an easy-going coworker discovered me, rather than my boss. Then this morning, I snoozed my alarm enough times to make me nearly late for class. I’d like to use the weekend to catch some Zzzzs but there’s so much that needs to be done. I have a feeling I’ll have to be highly caffeinated for the next 48 hours. The good news is that I teach again next week and then I have a break until 2009. I’m hoping to work on some writing projects in the interim but I’ll also be moving, making Christmas pressies, and if I have extra time, isolating the gene for shiny, soft hair.

A friend of mine happened to wear all black yesterday and mentioned Johnny Cash, which is funny because I’ve been wanting to listen to the Walk the Line soundtrack. I wore out my first copy of that soundtrack and was OBSESSED with Johnny Cash for a good 6 months after the movie came out. In honor of Reese’s and Joaq’s incredible performances, have a listen to one of my faves:

Oh – one more thing! Remember the mean lady who’s been coming to my workshops and saying mean things? The one I’m sure you’ve been dying to hear an update about? (Ha ha.) Well she took a Word class I taught last week and the stars aligned because it was awesome. People literally lined up at the end of class to thank us and compliment us. I wanted SO much to tell her to SUCK IT but I contained my excitement and simply grinned as she slunk out of the classroom, without so much as a peep.

I’m kitty-sitting tonight. Don’t be jealous of my high-profile, glamorous life.

Let’s Get This Party Started

It’s here, it’s here, it’s finally here!! I thought election day would never come and now that it’s arrived, I can’t wait for it to be over and done. I’m trying not to check FiveThirtyEight.com obsessively or pay too much attention to exit polls but the suspense is killing me. And while I’m so grateful to have been alive during this unprecedented time in history, I’m also ready for a winner to be named already so we can move forward with the business of enacting mandatory afternoon nap legislation and honoring Inappropriate Fridays, during which you may say, do, and wear inappropriate things without consequence.

This morning, I stopped at McDonald’s to get a bagel. Alright, alright. A bagel with bacon. (But at least I didn’t get any of their sweet tea, which is basically LIQUID CRACK and have I mentioned that I’ve been completely off sugar for over a month, which OHMYGOD, I still can’t believe but that’s a topic for another time.) The cashier asked me if I’d voted and told me she wasn’t registered before matter-of-factly prophesying that Obama would be assassinated. In truth, that’s been a fear of mine, especially given our country’s past in those murky waters but HEY, I don’t recall asking for a side of GLOOM & DOOM with my bagel, thankyouverymuch.

Guess what? Some stinky bastard scraped my car and didn’t leave a note! Worst of all, it happened at work, which means I might very well be mingling with the scumbag on a daily basis. The damage isn’t all that bad but it irritates me on principle because my poor little hoopty has already been through so much. The first year I had it, I suscepted it to a number of calamities, including but not limited to hitting a deer and a good and proper rear-ending by some goober in a yellow Mustang. Then on Saturday when I had an oil change, I found out I need new tires and P.S. the ones for the new Civics are between SIX AND SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS. Yowsa! (What is with me and run-ons today?)

Ooo, I forgot to mention that one of my supervisors sent me the sweetest message regarding that evil woman who’s been leaving me nasty comments. She was supportive and affirming and I felt very blessed. Amen.

Meanie!

Remember I told you about the person who took a class I taught and made a mean comment in her evaluation? She struck again! She was in the workshop I taught this morning. Things went very well and the evals were positive, but she had to make another nasty comment. I found out she’s stalking the other instructors too. Apparently she pulled one aside after a class and proceeded to inform him how he should reprimand people who talk during class. This is not elementary school crazy lady! I checked my rosters and found out she taking a class I’m teaching later this semester. Something to look forward to!

Teaching can be so frustrating. It’s so often thankless but have a bad night and YOWSA, people let it fly. I’ve grown accustomed to this, or so I thought but it’s been particularly hard this semester. I guess I’m feeling extra sensitive. My close friends would probably laugh their heads off reading that because in general, I’m overly sensitive. I have to be careful to try and keep that side of my personality in check. I’ve come a long way but it doesn’t help to have Crabella Deville in all my classes.

I’ve been in the classroom several times this week so I’m exhausted from 12-hour days. This weekend I’m going to hibernate with Abbs and sew and hopefully check off other items on my To Do list.

And speaking of Abbs, she struck again too! While I was gone, she knocked over a latte I forgot about and left within her reach. This time it spilled all over her sweet head. Now her fur is all sticky and spiked which means I see a “bee aye tee aitch” in her future.

What are your weekend plans? Have you voted? Moxy and I did last Saturday. It took about an hour but we had fun chatting, bonding with the others in line, and fending off solicitation from local candidates. (We were also lucky enough to spot a sassy gentlemen wearing 90s favorite Zubaz!) Afterward I felt so proud and American. In fact when I got back to my car, I shed a few tears thinking about the tremendous possibility our future as Americans holds. I know, I know – I’m a dork. An overly-sensitive one at that.

P.S. If you need some inspiration, check out my list of components for a perfect weekend.

Another Proud Teaching Moment

Last week I taught an Excel class and frankly, it wasn’t my finest performance. I later found out the moon was full that night, which probably explains how everything that could’ve gone wrong did. I started off class with a spoonerism, “If you miss a step or your screen looks different than mine, just raise your assistant and the hand will come help you.” Things went downhill from there.

This is the first semester we’ve used Windows Vista and that combined with the latest version of Office created some interesting problems. At one point, when a particular feature wasn’t working, I joked that I would call Bill Gates to let him know. Apparently one of the participants took that comment, along with some others, VERY seriously and gave me a mean evaluation. I’ve never ever gotten such a nasty eval – it was awful! The night was such a disaster that during the workshop, the assistant posted these comments on my Facebook page:

• “They are not right! This is by far the worst group in a long time. I’m so sorry you had to teach it!”
• “This is terrible!!! I’m so sorry you have to teach this!”

Using social media to sympathize in real time? Now that’s Web 2.0.

I was scheduled to teach another Excel workshop tomorrow, in which the same mean lady is enrolled so I did tradsies with another instructor and am instead teaching a CSS workshop on Thursday. PHEW!

Potentially Controversial Teaching Method

(I should preface this post by explaining that the classes I teach are hands on, so each student sits at a computer and goes through exercises, which the instructor leads from the front of the classroom. The instructor’s screen in projected for the entire class to see.)

I try to foster a relatively informal environment when I teach because in my experience it makes people feel more comfortable asking questions, which ultimately benefits the entire class. At the beginning of every class, I always say that if you have a general question, you can direct it to me but if you miss a step or your screen looks different from mine, to flag down the assistant, who will happily come help. I try to pay close attention and notice if everyone is having a problem, in which case I stop and go over the concept again. It can be very difficult to pace these classes because even though we recommend certain prerequisite skills, students’ skill levels are always varied. The trick is to back up if the majority of the class is confused but not hold up the whole group for one slow poke.

In bigger classes, like the Photoshop workshop I taught today, there always seems to be one person who wants the entire class to stop and wait every time they have a problem. They take the informality to an annoying level and just blurt out questions. When that happens, I remind the student to raise his/her hand to flag down the assistant. That happened what seemed like 100 times today, which was irritating as hell. While trying to keep my cool, I concocted a plan to deal with students like this. I think we should rig up all the workstations in the room with some sort of shocking device. Then we can have a 3 strikes policy. If a student blurts out questions after already being reminded 3 times to raise their hand, then from the master control, which will be conveniently located at the instructor’s workstation, I can shock them…or shoot hot gravy at them…or eject them from their seat. I don’t have all the details worked out, you see, but I really think I’m onto something. Thoughts?

I’m Too Cool to Care About Celebs

I couldn’t get a wireless signal at home all weekend, which wasn’t the end of the world but I sure did have a lot of PopSugar.com news to catch up on this morning…in addition to updates from other sites I frequent, such as Mensa.org. Ahem.

Apparently the air conditioning is broken in some of the buildings on campus so the PowerPoint workshop I was supposed to teach on Saturday was canceled. The rooms are already stuffy but with 25+ machines chugging and no AC, it would’ve been unbearable. It was nice to have a free weekend but this week I’m in the classroom four times. Yowsa! Fortunately this weekend should be lots of fun because if all goes according to plan, B is returning to the hive, which is a silly way of saying my friend’s coming to Indy. Yay!

Friday night, my friends and I went salsa dancing at Adobo. They offer a lesson before open dancing and the instructors were great. I missed the beginning so I was a bit lost on the more advanced steps, but it was still fun. I loved the music and especially loved watching the really good dancers, including some delicious boys. Salsa dancing is so sexy and sensual – rawrr!

Yesterday Moxy and I finally saw Get Smart. It was a barrel o’ fun except for one element: most of the characters in the movie were middle-aged men and then there was 25-year-old Anne Hathaway, who played 45-year-old Steve Carell’s love interest. Is it me or is that icky and annoying? Why couldn’t they have selected someone more age appropriate? BARFOLA on the limited roles for women in Hollywood!

…Those Who Can’t, Teach

I just checked my calendar and noticed that classes start soon, which means I’ll be teaching again in the next few weeks. It’s been nice to have May off. Sometimes it’s a little annoying to work 12-hour days, going from my full-time job to teaching, but mostly it’s worth it. For one thing, IU is pretty ahead of the curve in terms of IT and as an IU employee, I have access to lots of great resources. That helps me keep up with the latest flux capacitor developments. It’s also nice to have some spare change for unexpected bills (therapy ain’t cheap) or non-essential purchases (purses.)

How was your holiday weekend? Mine was so productive that on Monday evening, I thought I should lay on the couch and drool for a few hours just to make things right in the universe. It felt good to get some things accomplished. I also took Moxy and Lean to the airport. They’re in sunny Cancun as we speak and had the audacity to send me text messages complaining about the heat! Sounds like it’s unseasonably hot and humid, so they’ve been sticking to morning and evening activities, which I’m thinking means nursing hangovers and salsa dancing with locals.

Despite Sunday’s yucky humidity, Abbs and I went for several nice walks over the weekend. Even though I love summer, I’m sort of dreading those days that are so hot, I can barely stand to be outside long enough for Abby to tinkle. This may be a good year for me to start rockin’ a parasol but that’s a tough look to get away with, barring participation in any Victorian-era historical reenactments.

Amy and KNH and I met Saturday evening for an impromptu dinner at a lovely little Indian restaurant. There we learned that black salt, which is apparently used in Indian cooking, is a laxative. Maybe not a good ingredient for the amuse buche at your next dinner party but perfect for salting the rim of your ex’s Margarita.

And now for your viewing pleasure, please enjoy this clip of sweet baby buns participating in synchronized munching at the Bunlympics: